Wearing the Dunce Cap

I'm not stupid; I promise. I have all sorts of titles and certificates, scholarships and grades that will prove me right. In English, I'm quite intelligent. Unfortunately, English is not the language of choice here. And in Spanish, I am quite stupid. It's a sad truth, but a truth just the same.

It's hard not being able to understand anything that's going on. I just stand in the middle of a conversation and smile mindlessly at whoever is speaking. I hear my name every now and then, but have no idea what they're saying about me. And they're not about to try to explain it to me. It's so frustrating. Like, I knew what I was getting into. And I had no right to come to a foreign country without first learning the language. I don't expect them to accommodate my English, and I don't want them to. But it's still hard being the only one not knowing what's going on. It also makes me the butt of almost every joke. The kids make fun of my laugh, my appetite, my height--pretty much everything about me. And I'm sitting right there and can't do anything about it. I don't even know how to tell them to shut up. So I just turn kind of red and try to laugh it off. The other day was a perfect example.

I went with Cassie to pick up some kids for a youth event at the church. All of these kids just happened to be boys in their early teens (12, 13--around there). American girls get a lot of attention here, so I knew they must have already been talking about me. And when they tried to talk to me, I just stared at them and said "No entiendo" (I don't understand), which made them snicker. I hate being stupid, but that was only the beginning. At one point, Cassie hit a bump in the road when I wasn't paying attention, and I cracked my head against the window of the van. I tried to recover quickly so no one would notice, but it was too late. The boys in the back of the van screamed with laughter. For a second or two I just sat there, feeling dumber than I had ever felt before. Really, I was being bullied by 12 year old boys. 12 year olds. But then I realized that wasn't helping anything, so I turned around, looked them straight in the eye, and burst out laughing, too. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

The rest of the trip involved boys repeatedly cocking their heads sideways (mimicking hitting a window) and everyone else laughing and pointing at me. Which was okay. I may not be learning Spanish very quickly, but I am learning humility. It's hard to be proud when a bunch of little boys are making fun of you. For real. But worse things could happen. So for now I will be the lost gringo who speaks very broken Spanish with a terrible accent. I will smile stupidly and nod constantly even when I don't understand. And, above all, I will laugh at myself. Hey, everyone else is.