Every Day I'm Strugglin'

I got issues. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I think all Christians have things (call it "sin" or "problems" or whatever) that we struggle with. Like, every day. And every now and then I hear some really good sermon or read a cool Bible verse about surrender and have a little come-to-Jesus moment and "give Him my struggle." (whatever that means) And that night I lay my head on my pillow feeling a hundred pounds lighter and ready to live the rest of my life issue-free.

Then I wake up. And my darling little issue has found it's way home and is waiting patiently at the foot of my bed, and I struggle with it again. All day long. The cycle continues. This has been the story of my life this past week. There is a desire that I am trying to give up and trying to relinquish (whatever that means), but its ability to cling to me makes even duct tape green with envy. I listen to the sermons. I sing the songs. I read the verses. I pray the words. And every day it still stares me in the face, stealing my attention, energy, and peace. Oh, the frustration!

And of course I'm like, "Come on, God! Throw me a bone here! I'm in the middle of a foreign country trying to love kids, and You let this issue invade my mind constantly. Can't You do something?!" Today I realized, of course God can do something. But maybe He doesn't want to. Maybe when it comes to battles with issues, He's more glorified in our struggle than in our victory. Maybe He wants to see us fight for it every now and then. Maybe it's good for us to wrestle all night like Jacob. And, yeah, that stinks for us. But maybe there's a lesson to learn in this daily struggle that we wouldn't learn in a quick victory. What that lesson is, I don't know. Or maybe I do. Maybe one of my lessons is that it's okay. Whatever's happening, it's okay. I just need to chill out, do what I can do, and let God do what He can do. And if what He wants to do is sit back and watch me struggle for every inch of progress, that's okay. As long as I keep moving forward--however slow and choppy my steps--it's okay. Things happen in phases; that's just life. Issues come, issues go, and new issues will take their place. Life is struggle. The beauty of it is that we never struggle alone. It'll all work out. For now I struggle. And that's okay.